cake smashed

before rozzy, i remember going to my friends' kid's birthday parties -  t.j and i would actually tailgate at our house before leaving. i remember thinking how lame it was that we couldn't have a piece of cake until after the birthday boy/girl smashed it all over themselves. not only was it really messy, but how many pictures could one person really need of their child with elmo-red icing all over their face? and all t.j. could think about was how hard it would be to get those stains off their onesies. the cake mess was followed by the they'll-never-remember-this hour of opening a bazillion gifts. your house already looks like toys-r-us exploded in it, why you would need more crap is beyond me.

although not a birthday party, we did go to a raging party over this past weekend. oh wait - no we didn't. it was a family labor day party. we used to go to parties that when someone yelled, "we got a puuuuuuker!!!!" you knew that someone couldn't handle shotgunning their beer properly; now we know that some stupid kid didn't wait the suggested 30 minutes between cake and the bouncey house. in the past, t.j. and i would buy a case of beer to go to a party. now we have a 6 pack that lays next to the bottled water we have in the cooler so that rozzy has plenty of purified h20 for her formula. the time we used to spend scavenging a person's house for random munchies is now filled by snacking on a crab cake as i hunt down whoever is responsible for passing out glow bracelets to everyone's kid except mine. (i found that jerk.) mindless chatter about who is sleeping with who and what that girl is wearing has been replaced with the one baby item you just couldn't live without. (a bumbo chair, in case you are wondering.)

i saw all the moms sitting around helping their kids prepare their sticks for marshmallows to make smores over the campfire and all i could think about was, "that kid better not take my stick, damnit." i wanted a smore - but i would've been the only person there over the age of 8 eating one. not only was it a kid thing, but all of the moms are watching what they eat because they are on a diet. these are the same group of women i saw in january who were on a diet - and i don't know what kind of plan they are following, but some of them could use a stricter one. so i didn't eat a smore. (instead, i made cookies when i got home and took all 8 of them straight to my face.)

i'm currently in the process of planning rozzy's first birthday party. because of my own history with these type of things, combined with feeling very old, i wanted to be very mindful of our childless friends. i'm planning to have it at marions pizza. this way we have a family atmosphere, but there's also the option to drink mass amounts of beer and act foolish if you so desire. and while you are doing that, i'll be taking 750 pictures of the most adorable birthday girl ever with yo gabba gabba-orange icing all over her face.