picked up... then dropped

so 3 weeks ago i got asked for my number right in the middle of the book section of costco. i obliged - i gave my number and still haven't received a call. i asked tj how i looked and he said "really good." (which happens to be his standard answer whether i'm sporting a ball gown or pajamas.)

the chick who asked me for my number was another mom that looked to be around my age and had a baby close to roz's age. her initial pick-up line was something about roz's happy demeanor. we continued on with normal mom banter: birthday, food preferences, personality, clothing sizes, etc... i mentioned that there were no good places close by for kids her age to play at besides gymboree - which was still far and too expensive. she said she took her daughter to a place every week and that we should "come along next time." so that was it - a date. we exchanged numbers. we said our goodbyes and i bolted over to tj who was standing in the aisle where you can purchase 372 gallons of fabric softener.

tj: "wow, you may have actually just found the mom friend you've been trying to find since we moved here."
lars: "yeah..."
tj: "you don't seem very excited about it - i thought you'd be happier when you came over here."
lars: "did you see the shoes she was wearing? with those pants?"
tj: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME, LARISSA?!? HER SHOES?!? YOU'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT FINDING A NEW MOM FRIEND FOR 2 YEARS AND YOU AREN'T SURE ABOUT HER BECAUSE OF HER SHOES?!?"
lars: "what, t.j.? i'm just saying... i would never wear those shoes... especially with those pants. of course, i'd probably never wear those pants either."

tj then checked out of the conversation by saying we needed to go buy 258 cans of soup. i knew i had screwed up. tj was right - i'm not in high school and some one's style should not be a deterrent to a possible life-long friendship. later that night however, i started thinking: if i were single and a guy asked me for my number and i wasn't attracted to him, i wouldn't give him my number to begin with. so, was this really any different? i wasn't "attracted" to this girl as a potential friend - and mainly because of her hideous outfit.

i had just started really pondering this situation when tj walked in - wearing the crocs he bought on our honeymoon 7 years ago, with white high-ankle socks that were probably purchased a year later, black mesh shorts and his 1999 pirate football sweatshirt - worn inside out. right then and there i realized that i have created a family with this croc pirate standing before me whom i love very much and if this chick does call, i will accept her date offer regardless of her fashion sense (or lack thereof.)

she might, however, break up with me if she ever discovers i have a blog.

like gang wars... but worse

here is a little revelation i discovered about myself recently: i'm the kind of mom who wants to whoop another mom's ass in the playland at the mall. you may or may not know that, in general, people annoy me. however, i have found that the "hovering mother" annoys me more than khloe kardashian's voice (the one that she uses when she is on the phone and/or in bed with lamar.) not only do hovering mothers hover their own kids - they tend to hover over other people's kids if they feel like that kid's mother is not doing a proper job of hovering. more than one hovering mother has hovered roz. this is because i'm the antithesis of a hovering mother - i'm the mom who lets their child get clotheslined a couple of times before suggesting a different route around the playland. hovering mothers aren't the only mothers at the playland who i'd like to punch in the throat - here is a snapshot of moms during our latest trip there:

1. the cell phone mother: this mother cannot put her phone down long enough to help her kid who is dangling upside down from the fake mountain.
2. the zen mother: this mother wants to discuss how infant massage and lavender can help tame my out-of-control toddler.
3. the baby mama mother: she has 7 kids; none of which look alike and they are all picking on the zen mother's kids.
4. the goddard school mother: her kid was speaking in sentences at 8 months... not that she is bragging - she can't believe it herself.
5. the screaming every 5 seconds mother: what good is screaming commands at your child if the entire mall cannot hear you?

so what mother am i? i guess i'm the white trash mother since i threatened the baby mama mother to watch her brats a little better. doing so made the cell phone mother shut-up for a second, the goddard school mother was appalled by my language, the zen mother was very uncomfortable and the screaming mother couldn't hear me. but, i guess you could consider me a successful mother because the baby mama mother rounded up all 7 of her nonidentical kids and left the playland. bam - then i was a happy mother.