nuevo amigo

meeting a new friend for roz means running at someone under 4 ft. tall, smacking them somewhere on their body and then begin to talk their little ears off. she screams, points, laughs, hits again (lovingly), and then follows them around as they try to escape her. she is very aggressive and in-your-face and i've seen more than one kid look at her like she was crazy. (trust me - i know the look.)

the other day there was one little girl that seemed to be overwhelmed by all the kids running around at the park. she was very reserved and standing alone off to the side. in other words: she was easy prey for roz. i swooped in right as roz was about to face-palm her and said, "rozzy, can you say hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii?" the little girl just stared blankly at me, then turned her attention to roz. i said, "rozlyn, let's see if your friend wants to go over to the slide with you." just then the little girl's mom walked up to us. we did the whole "how-old-is-she-oh-wow-she-is-so-cute" introduction that all moms have to endure - even when you have to lie right through your teeth because their child has a face that only they could love. the mom then explained to me that her daughter didn't speak english.

(remember that post where i do awkward things in uncomfortable moments... ok,...)

after i quickly profiled the toddler to determine her ethnicity, i decided she was spanish speaking. scrambling to remember what dora the explorer has taught us, i bent over and grabbed rozzy's hand, moved right down into the girl's face and... here's where i evidently lost my mind... began saying (way too loudly) the following words in an odd repetitive sequence:

CALIENTE, BUENO, AMIGO. CALIENTE, BUENO, AMIGO.

the moral of this story: if roz has to live the rest of her life with people looking at her like she is nuts, she at least gets it honestly from her loco mother.

no longer pinterested

"Pinterest is a virtual pinboard. Pinterest allows you to organize and share all the beautiful things you find on the web. You can browse pinboards created by other people to discover new things and get inspiration from people who share your interests.People use pinboards to plan their weddings, decorate their homes, and share their favorite recipes." - pinterest.com

"pinterest is a virtual shit show of do-it-yourself fails and redneck crafts beautifully photographed to make one feel that they are making classy shit for their home. pinterest results in hours of letting fat accumulate on your ass while you "pin" weight watchers recipes and toddlers walking around tarred and feathered with glue and glitter." - me

there is one pin that when i saw it i immediately "repinned" it with a smile from ear-to-ear wondering in the back of my head (as i do with everything i see on pinterest) "why didn't i think of that?!"  this pin actually evoked raw emotion from me - i immediately yearned for warm weather and shishkabobs marinating in the refrigerator. i imagined all of my friends and family gathered in a nantucket-ish backyard barbeque and we are all wearing crisp white linens, just standing around shitting out rainbows and unicorns. at one point, paula deen joins us with a robust "hey ya'll!" as her two flaming gay sons walk in with mouth-watering layered salads. here is the "pin" that made me title a money-saving envelope as "summer 2012":

You take a picnic table, remove one of the boards in the middle of the table and replace it with a gutter.  Fill the gutter with ice, and you’ve got yourself a beverage cooler extraordinaire!  Brilliant!

later that evening on the way back from dinner i'm explaining to tj this brilliance i have stumbled upon. as i viewed this pin online, i was daydreaming about social elegance and food network stars. when tj clarified what i was asking his assistance for, the more realistic picture of this project dawned on me: there i am 7 months pregnant sweating my ass off holding a kid on my hip and filling our brand new beer-gutter up with some miller lite bottles while people look out their windows explaining to their children what a hillbilly is.

i took my earnest savings from the summer 2012 envelope and transferred it to the baby 2012 envelope and vowed to stop the pinsanity.