i ran out of contact solution and was surprised i couldn't find anymore because the last time i bought it was at costco, so i figured i was good 'till at least 2014. contact solution is one thing i'm super quick to run out and replace; however, when you have two kids under two, there is no "super quick" about anything. making a trip to target for saline actually requires more logistical planning than a royal wedding.
the first thing i like to definitely do before leaving the house is feed london. i'm all for breastfeeding in public, but since i'm not in college anymore, i do try to reduce the amount of times i publicly flash my nips. the next thing i do is pack roz's "snacks." homegirl needs a 4 course buffet available to her in the car at all times. the hard part of this is getting the entire food pantry packed into the diaper bag without her seeing me pack it. in order to do this i give her random "missions" that she finds fun to distract her: "roz, go count pieces of dog food... roz, go find a christmas tree in your bedroom... roz, go see if you can move the couch...
we get loaded into the car and head out. we had been in the car for approximately 27 seconds when roz drops her damn juice cup. my choice is to either stop and get it for her, or listen to her frantically say "juuuuuice" 754 times over the course of our 15 minute trip. i pulled over and warned her that if she were to drop it again she would be out of luck - fully knowing that if she dropped it, my ass would be pulling over. (london can't stay asleep during a juice tangent, and i like london asleep.)
i pull into target and london decides it's time for a growth spurt and that she needs to eat again. i hop into the 3 inch space between the two car seats and start to feed her. while i'm doing this, roz decides she has to get out of the car seat. now. now. right NOW. i explain to roz that mommy is feeding sissy and that when she is done we are going to go look at toys. won't that be fuuuuuuun? doesn't matter. roz is red in the face and trying to houdini out of the straps - which then start to strangulate her neck because something in that small brain of hers doesn't tell her to stop leaning forward once air restriction occurs. i'm trying to undo her car seat with my left hand while keeping my right boob nice and still for london's second lunch in 45 minutes.
we make it inside. because it is such an ordeal to run a single errand, i had a small list of other things i could get while there. as i'm looking for kiddie toothpaste i hear london blowing that second lunch out of her ass. roz starts giggling and says "poof!" i pick up the toothpaste and decide to go ahead and take the girls to the bathroom to change london so we don't have to rush through my shopping list. london is fed and changed and decides to snooze. as soon as she drifts off, i hear roz grunting:
me: "ohmygodroz, are you pooping?"
roz: "poof."
me: "well, that's awesome. couldn't you have poofed when your sister did?"
roz: "no."
roz is changed. i have all of my stuff in the cart. we are ready to leave, except i did want to look at shoes for roz real quick since london was still sleeping. i get roz out of the cart so she can try a pair on. i didn't like how they looked and went to take them off - well... apparently she loved them and felt it was unnecessary to take them off. what occurred over the next 10 minutes... well, i won't go into detail, but let's just say that at one point roz was laying flat in the middle of target like a starfish screaming her head off as i told her monsters were going to come and eat her unless she stood up in the next 2 seconds. next thing you know, london is awake and letting the 3 people inside of the store who weren't already aware of our presence know that she was pissed off. really pissed off.
we are on our way home. you-know-who drops her damn juice cup again. as i'm trying to explain to a 22 month old what "karma" is, you-know-who #2 decides that her 95th percentile stomach needs fed again. we get inside the house: roz has her juice, london has my boob... and i forgot my damn saline solution.
