i'm gonna need more than a fountain

recently i met some girlfriends downtown for drinks and the discussion turned to aging and our feelings on it. nikki (34 years old, 2 kids, skinny bitch looks exactly the same as she did in high school) said she had no problem with it. katie (34 years old, 3 kids, tiniest waist and the greatest set of knockers i've ever seen) almost seemed to enjoy the thought of her upcoming birthday making her another year wiser. katie actually started going gray some time ago and instead of coloring her hair she just rocks the look and it really works for her. (of course with those tits, who's really looking at her head?) i was actually really inspired by their poise and no-nonsense attitudes on the aging process - this is because if i could shoot botox up my ass to make my rectum tighter, i would. 

my boobs may be perky right this second, but once london starts eating real food i'm gonna have to be extra vigilant in keeping them from getting tangled in my belt loops. the "laugh lines" on my face are, ironically, no joke. and although i'm a thin person, i have some weird skin reserves going on in my upper thigh area. matter of fact, i used to just put my foot on the tub to dry off my legs after the shower and that'd be it - well now i have to also dry my thighs while standing in an upright position because, while bent, they create a secret fat hideout where excess water just kind of hangs out for a while and then runs down my leg in a way that makes me feel like i'm pissing myself when i put deodorant on. every time it happens i should automatically know that it is just secret fat hideout water, but just like clockwork i grab a piece of toilet paper and wipe. just in case, you know? if someone would've told 20-something larissa that in 10 years i'd be periodically wiping upper thigh secret fat hideout water off my vag with toilet paper while getting ready in the morning, i'd be equal parts confused and horrified. but now? now it's like "oh yeah... it happens."

t.j., who is more terrified of aging than i, gets better looking by the minute. matter of fact, judging by his senior year yearbook photo he was a chubby 40 year old sporting a porn 'stache. now he is smoking hot and has the stamina of a 18 year old. if i would've known that i was gonna morph into the crypt keeper, benjamin buttons wouldn't have been my first pick in a mate. 

i suppose it is time that i take my own advice in not stressing over the inevitable. if there is one thing i want my girls to have, it's confidence. and i believe in order for them to gain confidence i must be the one to exude it. so that is it: instead of fighting a losing battle, i shall embrace it. i want to face my impending wrinkly death with the same humility that nikki and katie have. (although with a rack like that, i bet katie could fill a bucket with secret fat hideout water.)