whoah! is me

4 days after my d&c surgery i woke up doubled over in pain. t.j. took me to the ER and i had my gallbladder and appendix removed and spent 6 days in the hospital. this hospital stay just happened to occur during what would have been our vacation to florida. why did i have my gallbladder removed? apparently pregnancy can wreck your gallbladder. why did i have my appendix removed? because the surgeon said it was "inflamed." to me, this is going to get your oil changed and you leave with a transmission flush. but whatever... who needs an appendix? hopefully not me.

along with finding out that morphine makes me retarded, t.j. is the most awesome human being on the face of planet earth, and that i secretly love being knocked out for surgery, here are 3 very poignant revelations i've had throughout my amazingly bad run of luck this month:


shave, shave, shave (and exfoliate) daily!
since the age of 18 i've lived my life prepared for being stripped down naked in a medical emergency. when i walked into the ER i was halfway ready for prom; manicured, pedicured, shaven, exfoliated, and mascara in place. and let's just say that at all times i am more prepared for the cover of playboy than the cover of national geographic. (i'm in no way comparing myself to a playboy model - i'm talking about ladyscaping.)


cream of wheat blows
self-explanatory


it can always be worse
at some point in my hospital stay i ripped my nose ring out on my loofah sponge. but guess what i didn't do? i didn't rip my eyeball out of its socket. now that would suck. as i was walking the halls i passed all kinds of really sick people. after everything i've been through i walked back into my hospital room with my iv pole wearing a gown that exposed my ass crack and i thanked the good lord for how amazingly awesome my life is.