like gang wars... but worse

here is a little revelation i discovered about myself recently: i'm the kind of mom who wants to whoop another mom's ass in the playland at the mall. you may or may not know that, in general, people annoy me. however, i have found that the "hovering mother" annoys me more than khloe kardashian's voice (the one that she uses when she is on the phone and/or in bed with lamar.) not only do hovering mothers hover their own kids - they tend to hover over other people's kids if they feel like that kid's mother is not doing a proper job of hovering. more than one hovering mother has hovered roz. this is because i'm the antithesis of a hovering mother - i'm the mom who lets their child get clotheslined a couple of times before suggesting a different route around the playland. hovering mothers aren't the only mothers at the playland who i'd like to punch in the throat - here is a snapshot of moms during our latest trip there:

1. the cell phone mother: this mother cannot put her phone down long enough to help her kid who is dangling upside down from the fake mountain.
2. the zen mother: this mother wants to discuss how infant massage and lavender can help tame my out-of-control toddler.
3. the baby mama mother: she has 7 kids; none of which look alike and they are all picking on the zen mother's kids.
4. the goddard school mother: her kid was speaking in sentences at 8 months... not that she is bragging - she can't believe it herself.
5. the screaming every 5 seconds mother: what good is screaming commands at your child if the entire mall cannot hear you?

so what mother am i? i guess i'm the white trash mother since i threatened the baby mama mother to watch her brats a little better. doing so made the cell phone mother shut-up for a second, the goddard school mother was appalled by my language, the zen mother was very uncomfortable and the screaming mother couldn't hear me. but, i guess you could consider me a successful mother because the baby mama mother rounded up all 7 of her nonidentical kids and left the playland. bam - then i was a happy mother.