dark chocolate

well i've survived my first toddler preschool valentine's day. it took me no time to see that valentines are not for the kids - they are for moms to out-pinterest each other and those bitches were out for blood. when i was a kid you bought cheesy punch-out paper valentines. today's kids are making it rain with confetti and passing out conversation hearts that say "tweet me." not to be outdone, i joined the good fight and withdrew my mortgage to spend on craft crap at hobby lobby. what little money i had left was put into the "divorce attorney" fund i have set aside for times like these when tj goes raging around the house spewing obscenities like "WHEN DID VALENTINE'S DAY BECOME F&*#ING CHRISTMAS?!" and, my favorite, "WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT DINNER AFTER CUPID SHIT ALL OVER THE TABLE?!"

the idea behind my roz's valentines was simple: put teddy grahams in a cellophane bag with cute personalized idioms playing on the word "bear." trying to think of 12 different ways to use the word "bear" was downright... well... ahem... unbearable. after assembling all the bags and writing my beary cute valentines messages on them i had to fill them with the treats. well, i had just completed 10 of the twelve when i realized i was out of teddy grahams. i had to load up the girls and go to walgreens in the freezing cold just to get another stupid box of teddy grahams. (if i hadn't ate half of the first damn box, we probably wouldn't have had to do this...) anyways... i get back home to find that i accidentally purchased chocolate teddy grahams and what i should've got was the honey kind. "oh well" i thought to myself, "these two kids will feel special." i had just convinced myself that i was about to make 2 precious children happy when all of a sudden... "shit!" it dawned on me that one of the kids with the chocolate treats was black. not wanting the teacher to think that the KKK had infiltrated the 2 year old preschool class, i re-loaded the girls into the car and off we went back to walgreens.

here you see an example of valentines for white kids

i know that, most likely, the whole ordeal would have gone unnoticed. however, even the smallest chance that my innocent mistake could've been misconstrued as something bigger was just too much for me to bear.