i. am. freaking. pregnant.



"well don't you know how babies are made?" ~idiot~

"yes - and since i'm not a loser like you, i am very high-risk." ~lars~

my photoshoot with dollar store test #4 of 7

i'm due may 2nd.

many people, including close friends and family, are wondering why they are finding out this information in such a manner. well, there is quite a difference in my reaction to this pregnancy than with the first. when i got the  my positive test with roz i freaked out and was so happy. when i got this positive test i freaked out, took 6 more tests, and google-mapped the nearest bridge to jump off of. with roz, i took a picture of the test and sent it to friends with no caption other than a smiley face. they all wrote back very nice sentimental messages and a lot of "congratulations!" with this test i simply sent a text to my friends saying "i'm ^*!%*# pregnant" and they wrote back with "blahahaha" and "omg." and "wth." when informing t.j. of my pregnancy with roz it was a huge deal worthy of celebration. this time i told him to stay away from me because it may have been some type of celebration that got us into this mess to begin with.

with rozzy, we had been actively trying for years to have a baby. i figured i was safe in refraining from birth control since it took so long to conceive the first time around. for those that don't know: in 2009, t.j. got a job promotion in the chicago region. he moved there for 6 months while i stayed in ohio. being childless, i agreed to make the move. when i got there it took us about 4 days to get settled in. when we finally got all the way unpacked and moved in we went to dinner. then we had some drinks. then when i still felt hungover 5 days later i started thinking maybe i wasn't hungover - and voila... after years of trying, i end up finding out i was knocked up 9 days after moving 4 hours away from every one of my relatives and friends (aka: babysitters) on the face of planet earth.

i'm careful of how i describe our fertility issues - i can't act like it was some devastating journey for me like it is for millions of women. if someone says that they've been trying for years to win a marathon, what they are really saying is that they have been doing crazy amounts of running - and running sucks. however, when i say that "we had been actively trying for years to have a baby," what i'm really saying is we had a lot of sex for a really long time.

it is definitely not an unwanted child, but is most definitely an unwanted pregnancy. being pregnant sucks. i have never been one who took a liking to being fat or to being restricted from drinking miller light; and definitely not being both at the exact same time for 9 months. however, i've decided that a lot of people have a baby and raise them to an age where they are able to go out and do fun things like movies and disney world only to be stopped by having another baby. then you are back at square one. will it suck to have two babies in diapers? yes. will it suck to have 2 car seats in the back of my car? yes. will it suck to try to manage a household and shower before 3 pm everyday? considering that is a problem now, yes. however, i have decided that it won't suck to get all of the hassles of 2 kids done at the exact same time. or at least that's what i'm telling myself. i actually dare anyone to tell me otherwise.

so what does t.j. think of the news? he is thrilled. him and his brother are exactly 18 months apart just like our kids will be and he thinks it is wonderful. of course, just as now, he isn't trying to maintain his full-time job from home while trying to raise a kid who doesn't eat dog food for a mid-day snack. he also knows that we are having a boy since we already have a girl - cause that's how it works, right? he is delusional. i told him that there is no way i'm going to be able to keep my work-from-home-job and have two kids under the age of 2. he says i can. in all actuality, if we made drastic changes in our lifestyle we could afford for me to quit my job - but then how would he ever pay for his 27 rounds of golf a week?

kids are pure entertainment and i'm a good story-teller. i'm already imagining that 2 kids under the age of 2 is going to be comedy gold as far as my blogging goes. i'm already looking forward to posting the blog titled, "t.j.'s first vasectomy" - i haven't written it yet, but i can tell you already it's gonna be my favorite one yet.